Following the horrible tragedy that occurred in Norway on Friday, I began to wonder "what went wrong?" How could someone be so filled with hate, that they believed the murder of dozens of children was justified? What happened to make someone believe that they had no other option, that the taking of innocent lives was the only way to make things right?
I was talking to someone about these thoughts, and it was offered that there are people in the world we cannot help. That there are monsters out there that no amount of love and compassion can repair, that they are born "wired for hate." The thought of this being even remotely true brought tears to my eyes and filled me with despair. For me, the beauty of being human is that we are able to connect with each other through love, so that we can grow into a community that cares for the welfare of all. I agree that there are some who may be born with a predisposition to anger, whose "wiring" makes them more likely to want to divide and distinguish groups so that some are superior to others. But this wiring, this nature element of who we are is only part of the picture. So much of who we are, of who we become, and of who we strive to be, is shaped by those around us, by our connections to others. The nurture element of our development.
Many psychologists agree that the most important nurturing moments are those that occur in our infancy and childhood. If we are surrounded by love and caring early on in our lives, we are more likely to exhibit love and care in our future activities as adults. If we are ignored and are unable to form trustworthy bonds when we are young, we are perhaps more likely to hate as adults. But while these early interactions are important in shaping how we carry on in the future, there is still an opportunity to alter their effects. People change, people want to change. We want to become the best version of ourselves, and through love and compassion those who surround us can help to achieve that vision.
The shooter in these attacks may have had some wiring problems. He was filled with hate, and he had beliefs and fears that led him to engage in monstrous activity. But why? Was there an opportunity for people to step in and reinforce those wires that encouraged love for other beings? Was there an opportunity to weaken the connections that made him quick to anger, quick to hate, quick to kill? These questions will likely be plastered all over the media in the next few days. Speculation will occur regarding his views on the world, politics, religion, etc. and what groups or activities influenced him. There will be people who will put blame on groups and individuals for what they did to contribute to his belief system and behaviors. But we should also consider what we did not do. When did we stop showing him love?
"Monsters" exist in the world. But I refuse to believe that they could not have been prevented. And I refuse to believe that they cannot be changed to become loving humans once more. We cannot resign ourselves to giving up on people who may need more love to show love. If we genuinely care about one another, we should see such people as more deserving of our compassion. Nobody is born with a desire to hate, to murder. Those who demonstrate an early penchant for such motivations are not at fault, but instead are suffering. Something has happened to them, perhaps something that was beyond their control, and we have a responsibility to recognize and rectify that. We cannot be so quick to give up on each other, no matter how easy of an answer that provides.
