Becoming We

There is a word that all of us use in our daily lives that is perhaps among the most complex and dangerous words in our language: “I”. Even though it is the shortest possible length a word can be, I is at the root of the questions and philosophies that shape our reality. I is a powerful idea that motivates much of what we do both as individuals and communities. I helps us understand our unique gifts and dreams, and lets us celebrate the differences that make our world a miracle of diversity. I allows us to reflect on our inherent worth and dignity when others would attempt to deny our rights and our humanity. I’s power comes from its ability to serve as a method of separation that distinguishes us from one another…and that is where I becomes a dangerous tool in human hands.

In allowing for separation, I unfortunately brings forth the possibility of judgment and fear. I’s creation of our individual identities leads us to dread anything that we see as threatening what it is that “makes me me.” When confronted with the challenge of difference and change, the I behind our identity can push us to minimize or outright reject the value of another. I encourages us to believe that our individual identity must be protected, and that its value will be reduced if we acknowledge that others’ identities are equally important to our existence. I is the source of pride that prevents connection and dialogue. I is behind the horrors of racism, sexism, and classism. I motivates religious bigotry and cultural animosity. I cultivates political division and nationalism. I leads to both physical and spiritual violence. I creates “us and them”.

But I works in positive ways too. Each of us has our own unique body, thoughts, experiences, histories, connections, behaviors, etc. all culminating into what we see as our unique identity. We are all distinctive expressions and interactions of creation, and our difference is a source of celebration and awe. I embraces the value of every being independent of others’ treatment. I encourages us to come together by reminding us of what we are not as individuals, and what we can be when joined with others. It is these functions that demonstrate how I can actually be a reflection of “We”. We is a way of understanding that our identity is not really limited to our individual experience. We takes away the perceived threat to our individual identity because it reminds us that it does not really exist. We embraces the contributions of all into a collective identity, whose value is only enhanced by acknowledging that “me” cannot be without “you”. We cultivates real respect and appreciation for diversity because it no longer bases difference in comparison, but rather in inclusion. We is our interconnected self. We is the end of “us and them”. We is the root of love in its truest form – universal and without boundaries. We is what must flow through I if we are to use it responsibly. We is what I must become.

What We Love

“What do Unitarian Universalists believe?” I imagine many UUs have been asked this question at some point in their lives. And I’m sure I’m not the only one that has experienced an internal flutter of panic or mental scramble in searching for the best four-sentence description that almost always works in the words “the inherent worth and dignity of every person.” A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to meet Rev. Peter Morales while attending a conference in Boston, and he gave those of us who were there that weekend a catchy response to that dread-inducing question. His memorable answer? “What we love is more important than what we believe.”

But wait, you might say, doesn’t that lead to the inevitable follow-up question of “Ok, well what do you love?” Absolutely. But I find that question to be more exciting (and informative) to answer than the original one. As Unitarian Universalists, we love whatever is in need of love. Such a response may seem overly simplified or trite at first, but its full complexity is realized when we look at what we mean by “love.” To borrow from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., love in our tradition is not limited to “a sentimental or affectionate sense.” Love is a powerful force that goes beyond acceptance or admiration, to a proactive effort to cultivate necessary understanding and change. Love is the strength to stay in relationship with people whose words or deeds are laced with ignorance, hatred, or pain, because doing so is the only way to reignite their spark of inherent good. Love is not simply the willingness to say yes to the oppressed; it is the ability to say yes to the oppressor...by saying no.* Despite initial impressions, that is not an impossible contradiction. When we say “no” we are not rejecting the person. We are rejecting the actions or words that have caused pain and humiliation; we are rejecting the violation of their goodness that prevents them from understanding their connection to others. Our “no” is a “yes” because it acknowledges the capacity, and necessity, for change. Our “no” is a “yes” because it demonstrates our refusal to settle for anything less than unity, and our commitment to ignite their spark of good. So it stands that when we love whatever is need of love, we endeavor to do what must be done to save our world from the destructive and divisive attitudes that breed fear, discrimination, inequality, and violence.

It is this love that drives our commitment to social justice, not only by coming to the aid of those who are most aggrieved by injustice, but by challenging those who are responsible for creating it. In the words of Rev. Richard Gilbert, we “live under a prophetic imperative to act in love for justice,” and “need to be equally skilled in comforting the afflicted and afflicting the comfortable.” Our love of whatever is in need of love calls us to engage in social action that moves beyond working within the current structures and pushes to create systemic change. It may be a difficult and seemingly endless task to advocate for institutional transformation, but that is precisely why such work is where our love is needed the most. Social action shifts us away from treating the effects of injustice and towards removing its root causes. It is an effort to challenge the oppressive systems that have preserved freedom for the few by denying the rights of the many. It is a focus on policy reforms and attitudinal change that will bring an end to the inexcusable deprivation in our culture of abundance. It is a movement to intentionally transform our social mindset and political practices to bring an end to institutionalized “otherizing” and honor the rights of all. That is where the strength to stay in relationship, the “yes” behind our “no” will have the greatest impact. Social action is the recognition of our power to bring genuine transformation at a universal level, to love what needs love the most.

*No (intended) relation to the “yes and no” of God in Karl Barth’s theological reflections.