Ramadan: A Month of Compassion and Connection

I first began fasting when I was in elementary school, around the fourth grade. I was so excited to be considered old enough to participate, to wake up in the morning and have a huge breakfast with my family. The evenings were just as exciting, since my parents always made sure we had something delicious to eat when we broke fast. During the day, I was proud of my ability to keep from eating while all my friends had their tater tots and pizza. It was hard as a child to have the resolve to refrain from eating, and sometimes I couldn’t stand to remain in the cafeteria. But even then, I knew what I was doing was important, although I did not yet know why. I wanted to be a good Muslim, and this practice was necessary for me to achieve that goal. I have a distinct memory of a cupcake party at school, during which I forgot I was fasting and ate some treats. Halfway through, I realized my mistake and ran to the bathroom crying. I thought I had made God mad with my mistake, that I had failed at fasting. I rinsed out my mouth and vowed never to accidently break my fast again. To help make sure I avoided another accidental meal, I developed a new strategy. I wore my headgear to school so that if I was going to eat something, I would have to consciously remove the pink strap, unhook the metal wiring from my teeth. Apparently, I had espoused elements of mindfulness and hadn’t yet realized it. Kids are smart.

As I grew older, I started to harbor dislike for the month of fasting. High school was particularly tough, mainly because they had french fries available for a dollar at lunchtime. I had my doubts about some of the beliefs preached by Islam, and found myself feeling less inclined to follow its required practices. As I began to distance myself from Islam, I also distanced myself from the observation of Ramadan, to the point where I stopped altogether. Why should I go without food if I no longer followed the faith that requires me to do so? It seemed pointless to me, and so I gladly used my newfound "religious freedom" as an excuse to eat during that holy month. For me, the fast was an obligation and a burden, which triggered feelings of annoyance and contempt, and I no longer saw any use to it. During college, I began to feel as though I had lost sense of my identity, and so I tried to reconnect with the Islamic faith. I read the Qur’an, and made a half-hearted attempt to observe Ramadan once more. My motives were unclear, and thus my fast remained a chore, which I only partially completed. I convinced myself that “I’ll stay away from everything except coffee, and that’ll be ok.” I was still missing the point- I was still missing an opportunity.

So now, in my wiser and slightly more mature 25-year-old state, I have come to a realization that is long overdue. I do not need to fast during Ramadan- I want to fast during Ramadan. The sense of obligation that had accompanied my previous fasts had prevented me from seeing the beauty behind the behavior. Ramadan is not about giving up food- it is about gaining love, peace, and compassion. It is about finding connections you may have never before noticed, between yourself, other beings, and the Divine. It is about discovering your strength and power, and how to use them to help those who are experiencing misfortunate and suffering. Ramadan is about recognizing our blessings, celebrating the miracle that is life, and bringing joy to the lives of others. It is not a month to be dreaded or filled with complaints about a gurgling stomach (which I must admit, I’ve said my share). We should look forward to this month as an opportunity to learn, reflect, and connect. Ramadan is a gift- a chance to recognize our inherently compassionate and joyful nature.

Before I continue with this post, I want to include a brief disclaimer. Ramadan is recognized as a holy month because it acknowledges the period when the Qur’an was revealed to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). It is believed that during this month, the angel Gabriel came down to Earth and revealed the word of God to Muhammad (peace be upon him), words which are now known as the Qur’an. Regardless of whether or not you find this story to hold any truth, the lessons of Ramadan as it is observed today are still universal. What I present to you are my reasons for observing this month, independent of the mythology behind it.

Ramadan: Core Practices

Ramadan is a time to express compassion in all aspects of our lives. It is an opportunity to practice peace and connect to others in new and loving ways. It is a month of reflection, during which we can learn how to respect and embrace the Divine, however we conceptualize it. These values, which are core to the Islamic religion as a whole, can be personally affirmed by observing the many rituals of Ramadan. The ritual of fasting, perhaps the most commonly known one, allows us to connect to those whose needs we may have never before understood. It allows us to connect to ourselves, and focus on aspects of our lives which we have previously neglected. The practice of regular prayer allows us to connect to the Divine, and open our hearts to wisdom, compassion, and love. Many Muslims also use this month as a time to read through the entire Qur’an, a practice which creates an opportunity for reflection and further connection to the Divine. Ramadan is also a time when observers are asked to refrain from arguments and violence, and instead focus their energy on creating meaningful and caring interactions. Whatever our personal beliefs, these rituals can serve as powerful inspiration for pursuing practices that espouse those values we hold close to our hearts.

Compassion for the Hungry

We’ve all heard it before- it is difficult to truly appreciate what you have until it is gone. Many of us take for granted the fact that we have food on our table at every meal, oftentimes more than we can consume in one sitting. Sometimes that food is thrown away, but we think little of it because, “heck, there’s more where that came from.” But that is not the case for everyone. For many others, their food supply is not plentiful- it is not even sufficient. It’s no secret that there is a growing hunger crisis, and that every nation, wealthy or poor, has citizens who have limited or no access to food. There are people all around the world who go days without eating, and the sad truth is that many of them are children. Without an adequate food source, these men, women, and children, our fellow human beings, are forced to consume whatever is made available to them, or else starve to death. Some find enough to keep themselves alive, but it is still not enough to keep them physically or mentally healthy. They can survive, but they remain hungry, malnourished, and uncertain as to the date of their next meal. Their physical state leaves them more susceptible to disease, and the food insecurity they face can wreak havoc on their will to survive. Unfortunately, many others are less fortunate in their search for food, and are unable to find enough to sustain them. It’s easy to forget that thousands of people all over the world die every day as a result of having nothing to eat.

By fasting during the month of Ramadan, we learn to appreciate the plight of our brothers and sisters who have little or no food available to them. By refraining from consuming food or drink while continuing on with our daily lives, we can begin to understand the challenges faced by those whose lives include a daily struggle to feed themselves. The experience of not being able to drink water during the hot summer months, of not being able to eat while witnessing others’ food consumption brings us a small step closer to grasping the reality of the hungry. Each and every time we break our fast at sunset, we should express thanks for the blessing of having an ample food supply. Our basic nutritional needs are easily met, and we do not need to constantly worry about whether or not our family will be fed.  By temporarily placing ourselves in the shoes of the hungry, we begin to realize that any suffering we may encounter during our fast is experienced at least tenfold by those whose starvation is beyond their control. We recognize that while our days of deprivation are voluntary and impermanent, those of the hungry are forced upon them with potentially no end. It is through this understanding that our compassion for the hungry is strengthened, and our desire to end their suffering is kindled. Through fasting, we are able to develop a deeper connection to those people whom we may have never before understood, and begin to realize that any violation of their rights is a violation of our own. Through fasting, we realize that starvation in a world where food is plentiful is an affront to basic human dignity. Through fasting, we learn that something must be done to address this egregious violation of human rights, and can begin to use our power and resources to bring an end to hunger.

Compassion for All Beings

During Ramadan, we are asked to refrain from fighting, both physical and verbal. I don’t know about everyone else, but I personally find the idea of holding my tongue infinitely harder than waiting until sunset to eat. We are passionate beings, with fiery emotions and opinions that we sometimes feel we cannot control. But we are also compassionate beings, with a strong desire to be happy and make others feel good. Think about those moments when you insulted someone you cared about, or got in a physical altercation with someone who disagreed with you. How many of those events were followed by a surge of regret? Yes, there may be an initial feeling of satisfaction in expressing our anger, but in the end, we can recognize that we have done nothing to improve the situation- all we have done is cause more pain. Now think about those moments when you took the time to listen to someone with a different opinion, had an engaging conversation, and calmly came to an understanding. Felt better right? You had a chance to connect with someone, to have an open communication in which all involved parties were able to learn something new. Ramadan presents a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with our compassionate selves, with our desires to communicate, connect, and cooperate. If we spend this month taking the time to react calmly to perceived conflicts, we can develop our ability to listen during all of the other months of the year. By refraining from fighting, we can come to realize how good it feels to be at peace, and how we can use our interactions to bring peace to others.

When we combine our appreciation of peaceful interaction with our stronger connection to the hungry, we can fully embrace the principle of giving to those in need. One of the five pillars of Islam is based in charitable giving, a practice that is given greater value during Ramadan. During this month, we are asked to give to those who are less fortunate, whether it is by donating money to an established organization, providing food to the hungry, or opening our doors to offer temporary shelter to the homeless. However we choose to help those in need, our actions should not be motivated by pity, but rather by love and respect. When we witness others who are suffering, we should want to help them because they are beings who deserve to feel joy. When we show love for others, we can learn from our interactions, understand their stories, and develop greater respect for their experiences. This brings about a stronger sense of connection and helps us understand that when we acknowledge our ability to help bring an end to another’s suffering, we will bring joy to all, not just to a single individual. Think about it- when you give someone something with no expectation of return, how do you feel? Good right? Great even? When we give, both the giver and recipient experience joy, which has the power to influence our interactions with others outside the exchange. When we give, we make the world a happier place, a more peaceful place. Ramadan lets us recognize the power we have to bring this change in our daily interactions, by encouraging us to make these compassionate connections.

Compassion for the Self

Our bodies are always hard at work, whether we are in a deep sleep or participating in a triathlon.  The food and drink we consume throughout the day serve as the fuel our body uses to keep running- the “cleaner” the fuel, the better we operate. Taking this car-and-engine metaphor to the brink of your tolerance, we need to make sure we make choices that will prevent our bodies from stalling. Ramadan gives us an opportunity to adopt practices that help our bodies, and our environment, stay healthy and strong.  Even though we are abstaining from food or drink for most of the day, if we are intentional and aware of our dietary selections, we will not feel as though we are running on empty. By taking this month to integrate mindful consumption practices into our diet, we can become more aware of the food we are consuming, and understand more about where it came from and at what price. We can learn to avoid the temptation to eat as much as we can between sunset and sunrise (it’s not an excuse to eat three slices of cheesecake), and instead focus on consuming only what is good for us and for our world. In observing a healthful fast, we develop an appreciation for the ways in which we are connected to the Earth, and adopt mindful practices that we learn to maintain throughout the whole year.

Upon breaking fast, we are given an opportunity to make a conscious selection regarding what we consume. Whatever we choose to eat, that is the first food our body has had for hours, and will set the stage for our body’s revitalization. Traditionally, the fast is broken with a date. For many in the Middle East, the date is an easily obtainable food, and is ubiquitous in Arabic culture. It is a highly nutritious selection, which provides a healthy boost for bodies that have been denied edible nourishment. So how is the practice of breaking fast with a date an example of mindful consumption? The selection of dates is a healthy way to start our meal- both physically and environmentally. Being rich in simple sugars and fiber, dates are a powerful source of caloric energy that quickly get our engine running at full capacity once more. And because dates are a naturally occurring staple in the region, consuming them is quite the green practice, presenting little to no strain on the Earth. It is a conscious selection that connects us to our planet’s natural patterns and rhythms, and allows for an efficient and undisruptive use of surrounding resources. Such a healthy start, for both ourselves and the environment, can be a cue to motivate us as we continue to make conscious selections for the rest of what we eat. Of course, dates are not as easy to obtain in other parts of the world, but conceptually they can provide us with the inspiration to make food selections that are personally beneficial and universally sustainable.

Our minds and spirits need some compassion too, and Ramadan gives us an opportunity to make sure they get it. By shifting us away from practices focused on food and fighting, and encouraging rituals that help us to reflect and connect, Ramadan allows us to learn about ourselves and what is truly important to us. During this month, we can take time to pause and get in touch with the values that we hold dear, and evaluate how we currently, or perhaps could better, live them out. It is not meant to be a period of self-judging, but of self-recognition, when we contemplate the question “What do I really care about?” When we come to a clearer understanding of what it is we stand for, we become more capable of expressing genuine love and compassion, for both ourselves and others. When we can recognize the values we most cherish, we can adopt practices and pursue activities that enable us to live them out, and nourish our spirit. By connecting to our selves, we learn to identify those behaviors and thoughts that bring us suffering, and can find ways to counter or remove them. Ramadan presents us with a chance to distance ourselves from superficial concerns, and become more aware of our deeper spiritual interests.

Connection with the Divine

I would be remiss if I did not speak to the ritual of reading the Qur’an during the month of Ramadan. In reading this holy book, many feel a greater sense of connection to the Divine, and reach new heights of understanding in their faith. In reading the Qur’an with a true desire to learn, observers can recognize how their lives are regularly touched by Divine love and compassion. Understood to be the word of God, the Qur’an allows practicing Muslims to have a direct understanding of what is good and holy in the world. This understanding is deepened by the emphasis on regular prayer that occurs during Ramadan, which provides a means of communicating with the Divine, and feeling comforted by its influence. By taking just a few minutes every day to focus solely on reaching out to the Divine, Muslims are able to recognize its blessings, and universal presence within all existence.

We do not have to be follow the Islamic faith to achieve this same sense of connection to the Divine. The beauty of the Divine is that it can be found in every particle of existence, and that we can connect to it in the manner that best fits our own personal values. We can read holy texts, we can sit in quiet meditation, or we can participate in a ritual dance. There is no single correct way to connect with the Divine- it is both within and all around us. Ramadan encourages us to reach out to and embrace the greater force that is behind existence, whether we view it as a deity, pure energy, or another unknown beautiful mystery. By connecting to the Divine and understanding its elementary peaceful nature, we can reach a state of pure contentment. By connecting with the Divine, we can better recognize the beauty that is life, and live up to our potential as loving and compassionate beings.